I talk about flying far away from assuming and I fell into the trap myself. I assumed my way into boundaries that weren’t meant for me.

I realized I’d kill for people who would never pull a chair out for me. So much is masked in familiarity and history and we mistake all that for friendship. I believe I’m a friendly person and thinking I shared the same sentiments as some people was wrong. I know better now. There’s always a catch with some of these ‘friendships’ , don’t get me wrong , I have decent relationships with my people. But time and experience has shown me which people are solid and which boundaries are to be fortified and buttressed with nonchalance.

This is all coming from a good place, a place of growth and realization. In our digital age, professional and personal lives overlap so many times and we blur out the nature of some relationships. That’s the first mistake I made, on so many occasions. Taking work people as friends. And I overplayed my parts in business because I do extra for my friends. That’s what friends do right ? Right ? But get this, not business relationships are coupled with friendship. Some are just that. And nothing else. And I realized I crossed too many boundaries to make other people comfortable at my expense. And I guess along the way I probably compromised myself and the quality of the work.

And the holy grail: family. Like friendships, not everyone is family as you believe they are. “… some animals are more equal than others”. I swear there’s something truly messed up about the father’s side of the family but the mother’s side has the most drama. I used to believe blood meant boundaries would be a little comfortable , it turns charity of hate really does begin at home. Families move a lot like cults, there are levels to the disrespect and love. There are factions and those come with tones of side eyes, gossip, secrecy, and , terms and conditions. Growth did me good, I know my boundaries now. I know where I stand. And to think there’s a relative who used to compare her kids to me. You probably have those too. Remember when you used to visit everyone? Did those people visit you back ? Oh, here’s a common one, who can you call when you’re truly stranded ?

I won’t give any testimonials or specific stories but I’ll say this; know your boundaries and don’t overplay your roles. I overestimated some of mine, including business related ones. Not everyone is your friend. People’s spaces are sacred. People’s things are personal. We are territorial beings,and that expands to all our spheres of influence.Strive to be as independent as much as you possibly can. I’m not saying be an island, but live within your lane. And don’t make the mistakes I did. Don’t assume people ‘feel’ the way you ‘think’ they do.